Sabar ada batasnya kan?

Hey hoh.... Whooaaa Been long time ga nulis blog, seperti agak gimana gitu... Terakhir 2tahun yang lalu yah, since i just married and now i'm already mom from adorable and beautiful daughter named Jacinda^^ Aku kepikiran untuk nulis krn apa yah? Hmmm maybe luapan hati terdalam ngga bisa diungkap dengan kata2 tapi lebih baik dalam tulisan. And i thought it will makes me better. Seperti judul entri aku... berhubungan dengan kesabaran T.T Merasa seperti sendiri didunia, ngga ada temen curhat, seperti hidup didunia sendiri dan ngga ada dukungan, bahkan untuk kehidupan sendiri dalam pertemanan pun juga semakin jauh karena keterbatasan waktu, dan juga diperlakukan tidak adil oleh orang-orang tertentu yang semakin menjadi. Hidup dalam pernikahan itu ngga mudah, ada banyak aspek yang bisa terjadi menghampirimu tanpa kamu kira... sometime membuat kamu berubah, menjadi pribadi yg kritis dan tersembunyi, seolah bom yang bisa meledak kapanpun. Dan yang memperparah adalah lu harus pendam itu sendirian hanya untuk menjaga agar kedamaian dan keindahan dalam satu hubungan tetap berjalan sebagaimana mestinya... Being peacemaker isn't easy, seriously. Kalau bukan karena suami atau anak, mungkin gw udah kalap LOL. Anyway, aku mau cerita tentang anak aku yg lucu^^ she's such an angel from Above, sometime nyebelin tapi ngangenin, lucu dan sangat pintar. Ya, she's the best healing and my best friend. Daughter is Mom's bestfriend and that's really true. Perkembangannya yang pesat dan pesonanya yg luarbiasa adalah anugerah terindah^^ dan aku sangat bersykur untuk hal itu. She's though, smart and great. She will be high, shine and bright... No doubt of it. I have her in my life such a miracle, she's been good and lovable. Dari sejak kehamilan, sampai masa kelahiran dan perkembangannya. Dia sangat luarbiasa dan kuat, sehat tanpa kekurangan satu apapun. The point is, no matter how worst your life, you have something good in it even just a little... selalu ada hal yg baik dalam hidupmu yang berliku. Bukan berarti Tuhan tidak turut campur, tapi karena kita punya Tuhan dan Tuhan bersama kita, maka kita masih ada sampai hari ini dan bisa melewati hari2 kita tanpa kekurangan satu apapun. Jadi, sabar ada batasnya? Ya, sabar memang ada batasny tetapi setiap harinya Tuhan akan charge ulang kehabisannya dengan kekuatan penuh agar sabar kita tidak ada habisnya :) sama seperti handphone yang perlu kita charge setiap hari karena dipakai, demikian pula Tuhan mencharge kita menjadi orang yang penuh dengan kesabaran walaupun kadang kita tiba sampai limit terakhir kita. AHh lets say "Thank You Jesus, it's only by Your grace that i colud live today" :') God bless you^^

Happiness is the best make up :)

Well, udah lama banget ga ngepost blog :D Sekarang kangen untuk share beberapa hal di blog lagi :) Banyak banget hal yg terjadi dalam hidup selama beberapa bulan terakhir ini... Persiapan, prewedding, proposal sampai pernikahan dan sudah sampai batas baby progress^^. Klo flashback, rasanya masih seperti mimpi... I never imagine about my life will become like this... Sooo happy!! Tuhan benar-benar sangat teramat baik. Bukan soal apa yang kita dapat, tapi dari apa yang kita alami. Lewat dari apa yg kita alami maka kita akan mendapat apa yang telah kita lalui... Dan itu prosesnya cepat dan sangat dipermudah.. That was miracle and God is so good to me.. Ini yang dibilang "JalanKu bukan jalanmu". Hal-hal yang gw alamin baik dari suka ataupun duka, tetap bertahan sampai sekarang bukan karena kekuatan gw tp krn Tuhanlah yg memampukan. Dia memberi tanganNya dan menuntun, memimpin, membimbing setiap langkah yg gw ambil :) It was amazing. Bobot berat gue 51kg!!! that's the highest weight that i've got for d rest of my life! I never been exciting like this, eat what i want, sleep as long as i need, smile as always, and give thanks for everything... Life's good, so good. Bukan berarti ngga ada halangan. Bisa dibilang halangan banyak, entah dari keluarga, teman, pekerjaan atau bahkan diri sendiri yg membuat kita drop. Banyak banget!! Tapi, ya sudahlah... anggap aja itu satu try out or test utk kita naik level. Sabar and tenang, bersykur and berusaha yg terbaik, dan juga berdoa... Itu ygCUMA bisa gw lakuin... hasilnya ??? Makan terusss wkwkwkwk :p I've been married for 37days and i wish i can go through patiently. Without Him i'm nothing. Dalam hidup ada plus minus, tapi bagaimana kita ngecombine itulah yg terpenting. Ngeluh bukan jalan keluar, maksa org ngikutin maunya kita jg bukan jalan keluar, sebel n benci sama org yg ga suka sama kita juga bukan jalan keluar. Yang terpenting bagaimana kita terima keadaan and berpkir dari 2 sisi.. So, i don't pay much attention of what people thought or what people said about me... I just care what God plans and what He wants me to do. Everything needs time, don't push Him. Wait patiently and let His will be done. So, as long as you happy and be grateful of ur life, that's the happiness meant to be. Ngga ada waktu buat pkirin hal yg ngga penting... Life is so short to be unhappy :) And i love my life, i love me, i love who i am. Coz Jesus wants me to be proud of myself. Because He does!! See you on my new share... God bless you ^^

Just a little bit more...

Been long time not to write on my blog... I'm having d longest time ever in a day today :( But, so far so good. Hope everybody has a blessed day.. God bless^^

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy, Thank you for making me feel like i'm orphaned even i still have you. Thank you for make me feel nothing as your daughter. Thank you for make me feel regret to be your children in my whole life. Thank you for everything you have done to me that make me hurt. Thank you for everything you said which make my heart full of pain. Thank you for something you don't know about me but you judging me as u want. Thank you for your words to me which you think really know me and treat me bad. Dear Daddy, Even i have so much pain, i don't want to pay it back. Even i have so much things to blame u, i don't want to blame u. Even i have an absolute right to hate u, but my heart always love u. Even i don't have any figure of father, but i still hope can get that figure from u. Even i don't feel proud of u, but i think i have to proud of u. from all of it, i still give thank to my Lord. For having my dad which many children of the world who don't know their father. For learning from my dad that i am absolutely not to be like him if i become parent. For make me think wisely of choosing man who will be my husband in the future. For make me stronger that i can be stand strong and be close to Lord when i was down. Dear daddy, I love you, as always... even you're not love me. At least... U let me go easily, then don't think i will come back easily. I don't need anything from u, i just need a little attention from u as my dad. As that simple... Is it hard for you?? I hope not.

Live or die on this day

Around two weeks ago, i watched movie named "The Grey" starring Liam Neeson.. I was boring with the movie, means nothing but there's some words that make me think that it's meaningful. For many times, Liam Nesson said some words "Live or die on this day"... Yeah, Live or die on this day... U don't know when u will die or u don't know you're still live today or not... I have a manager who had a greatest heart and so pure.. He was good and kind. Yesterday, we had a shortest time to see him... and today in d early morning, we've got some shocked news that he was died at 3am :( I was shocked!! It was unbelievable for us! But, that's divine mistery... human is human, at least God's will be done. Today, i have learn so much about life... ww do the best for everyday, we have to a good things, be a nice person, be what God wants us to be. in Everydayy!! coz we don't know when we will die... Live or die on this day! So, let Your will be done, Lord. I am yours, and i will do the best... coz i know You will do the rest when i do my best. Rest in peace, Mr. Beny... I hope you have a best place in heaven.

What a Monday!! ^o^

Today I woke up with a grateful heart. I feel more come down and without bad mood or something.
Although today is Monday… and everybody (inc. me) have a same though that “I hate Monday” always be a magic word which can make us feel bad each woke up.

To be honest, I feel depressed a few days ago… and also felt lonely and tired.
Yesterday was good and bad too, but I still grateful of it. Sometime I can’t handle myself to push away what inside of my heart. I feel like I’m being anyone else who don’t recognized who I am. I feel strange against me.

But at least, I can passed away all those situations. Instead, I’m fine as always and without any deficiency… I thank God for everything He has done to me.
I’m just human and so weak… either because of hormones or instability in the body or something, I feel more emotion and sensitive. But, God remains faithful and accompany me in everytime.

What a day, that’s why I feel grateful today… Not as usual… but I do believe I have a right direction in my life. I live by faith and that’s the only way I can do right now.

Cloudy Day of Friday the 13th

I’m confusing about what I though since I woke up this morning.
I feel weird, I feel empty, I feel uncomfort, I feel lonely… and so much worst things inside my heart and my mind.
The only thing that I can do is give thank.

I give thank for the breathe, give thank for the health, give thank for my family, give thank for my job and give thanks for everything I had.
I won’t sad, I won’t give up… Even there’s so many people doubt me and no one cares about what I feel.
But one thing for sure, I believe my future is bright and shine as my Heavenly Father said to me.

Deep in my heart I know that I’m not supposed to be like this. I try hard to be the way I am and I don’t wanna be anybody else, coz I don’t wanna doubt myself.

So, ganbate Shiwen!! Go for it! Fight for it! Struggle for it!! 

Yesterday, I was arguing wif him again  and I have no joy of it… I hope everything will be alright, instead I’m already tired of it.

Ahhh… thank God it’s Friday… today is Friday the 13th LOL hopefully my day will be great as usual.
Bunch of thanks for my Lord… JESUS ROCKS!!!